Two letters I found in an old drawer. I changed the names though…
Dear Naomi,
It was good seeing you. It felt weird. I didn’t really know how to act. I even felt as if it were some sort of prize for the decisions I had taken earlier that day. I didn’t say much, I mostly listened to you. But that’s what we usually did before anyways… I was afraid to ask a lot of questions, I didn’t want to pry. I’m not sure I’m allowed to pry anymore.
At first when you told me s I didn’t know what to say. My mouth was literally wide open and you asked me why I was so in shock. It wasn’t because of that. It was because the reality that I am missing out on so many things in your life that I wish I wasn’t suddenly hit me like a brick wall collapsing over me. It hurt. That’s why I was so in shock. But after that it was really nice. It almost felt normal. Thank you, I guess. Because I know you don’t just do things. There’s always a reason.
To the moon,
Ruth
Dear Forty Three,
It was kind of a dumb thing to do… But you just passed by and although I was thinking about a completely different thing my mouth just kind of spat it out. You turned around and I froze. The following seconds are kind of a blur. All I know is I didn’t have the courage to look you in the eyes. Not so close-by, anyways. I felt really embarrassed and had to literally shake the memory of that moment off a couple of times after through the night. I got home and told my brother about it. He laughed. I think it’s hard on him too.
I’m reminded of you on a daily basis, although lesser and lesser each day. It’s mostly on days where’s time and I can’t occupy my mind with other things. I’m fighting for the 43, like we once sang about.
I see you and sometimes it makes me smile. Like those times a while ago when I saw you growing and literally felt as proud as a momma hen watching her young ones grow. I smiled that time too, but you weren’t there, Someone Else was, and she laughed when she saw me smiling about that. She thought I was weird. I think so at times, too.
It’s feels strange to feel weird about it when it used to be so normal. But we talked a lot about change, and our conclusions were always that change was always the best. I just never thought this is the point we’d reach in the end. This is, still, the best worst times of my life. He’s never been closer and my heart has never been hungrier. Jesus is becoming much more real to me. I never realized I really did actually need saving.
Thank you… Because if you hadn’t called that night I wouldn’t be here right now. It would have destroyed me completely. But you were brave, even though I’m sure you were as scared as I was. Still, you called. I hope one day I can tell you this.
Grilled Cheese Sandwich