I really wish I wrote more than I do… I honestly start posts that I don’t finish and publish too many times.
The “t” key in my laptop is not working right so I have to really press it to get my writing done correctly. It’s starting to get annoying. Really.
It’s funny that many times I start my posts with some sort of note about how “things are crazy right now in my life” or something involving a vast amount of change and me coping with it any way I can. I came to realize, just now really, that what was I expecting really? The life of a Christian (or “Christ follower” like those weird videos I saw on Godtube.com that are spoofs of the Mac v.s PC ads) is always changing. It will always be changing. It’s a journey that involves walking, tripping, running, falling, getting up, making the right and wrong turn… but it’s a journey non the less, and a journey is not a still frame moment where I just wait for things to happen. Things happen as I move on.
There are many things that have been floating through my head these past days. Because of how I am, many of those thoughts are about “the future” and where I’m going to be (“what” is no longer a question, since I’ve learned my identity is and will forever be in Christ).
If I let myself be completely and utterly honest with you (whoever it is that’s reading this) I battle so much in my mind trying to figure out if the decisions I’m taking are eternally worthy decisions. Not necessarily right or wrong, more like they’ll last all through eternity and I’m not wasting my life learning how to do a differential equation that won’t move anything in the everlasting realm. I mean sure, if you look at it from certain perspectives, being able to solve differential equations or blah blah is a gift from God. There’s mathematical perfection in the world that reveals the character of our God, but do I really want to spend my life doing math equations? No, not really.
But then again, math is a really over the top example, since I don’t even like math. Take film for example. Do I want to spend five years of my life studying film and then immerse myself into the film industry to come out with this amazing work of art, that granted, most likely will reach lots of people? Or do I want to just sit at God’s feet and be a student of His heart? Am I going too much into things or is it truly a Mary/Martha situation I’m facing?
I’ve started hearing the term “waste my life for Christ” in the “die to yourself” context, where everything I am is left for waste to follow God. Going a bit into a biblical scene, when Mary and Martha had Jesus over for dinner, Martha was wasting her life trying to “serve” Jesus (albeit with a wrong spirit) while Mary was wasting hers sitting at Jesus’ feet hearing Him speak. It’s obvious that the waste I want to be doing is Mary’s type, but where is the line drawn? Where do I know that literally sitting at Jesus’ feet and just soaking into the Word or preaching if afterwards is the waste you’re called for? Then you see another scene of waste when Mary pours the perfume over Jesus’ feet completely disregarding the fact that it was an incredibly expensive perfume, probably the best thing she had. Can you see where I’m going with this?
Translated into my life I’m wondering about school basically. Do I actually want to go and get my bachelors about whatever and then do something with it? Or do I want to just let it go and fill myself with God. I don’t know, get some Bible school done, ministry school, something. Where do I want my life to go to waste into? Wait, let me rephrase… where does God want me to waste my life? And more so, am I really willing to waste it the way He wants me to?
7 responses so far ↓
abr // August 23, 2007 at 2:45 pm |
Well, here’s what I believe is true. There are various valid ways of living a christian life and staying faithful to your purpose. The difference really, I think, is the personal calling of everyone. Of each one. Not all people are called to live a life exclusively for the church (church here meaning the people and ministry of God) while others definitely are. I know, for example that while my mom is part of the latter, my dad’s the former. And it’s okay. The fact that you struggle so much (and you do) with this matters makes me think that you also are part of that second group, although there is absolutely NO way that I could know that for sure, because it is in fact something you must realize or decide. I know it ain’t easy, but let me tell you another thing. You REALLY really can’t spend your youth struggling with this issue, because it will go away in the blink of an eye. Not to sound fatalist or anything, but my best advice is that you make a choice ASAP, and that you be faithful to whichever path you take (which doesn’t mean you can’t change your mind).
I love you. say hi to your mom for me.
abr // August 24, 2007 at 10:47 am |
ha… i was reading my comment and realized…. It’s the other way around my dad the latter, my mom the former…
maryv // August 24, 2007 at 4:15 pm |
ah jajajaja de todos modos algo asi lo interprete…. be ready for my next post. tienes razon en lo k dices, pero aun no me he explayado en lo que comencé a decidir.
abr // August 28, 2007 at 3:00 am |
hey.. I can’t wait. And I just realized… I got it right the first time… pfffff hahaha soy ridiculo
abr // August 28, 2007 at 3:01 am |
ok no ya no se… estoy muy confundido… jaja tengo que leer otra vez… siempre me confunden mucho esos terminos
abr // September 5, 2007 at 7:22 pm |
YA. oficial, puse mi cerebro en orden. DAD… former MOM…. latter. jaja.
Jose Ramirez // May 15, 2008 at 9:12 am |
hehe wenu … ps son lsa 9:10 y voy de salida hehe y me encontre con tu pagina sta shida hehe y me gusto kreo en tu descripcion personal hehe cuando pusiste yo soy suyo y el es mio en fin solo keria saludar y ps un dia hermoso y lleno de Victoria y de gozo hehe, oras por mi voy a ir a orar por una señora que no sabemos que tiene Dtb!